Half Century Musings

Well, it finally happened a few weeks ago - I marked the date upon which I had survived my first 1/2 century. Talk about a strange realization; I honestly had never thought this day would come (until recently) but there it was - my 50th birthday and there was no escaping it.

I don't think that I am altogether strange when I admit that I have a specific time frame in my life that is sort of "spot welded" into my psyche, defining who I feel like I am today. When I look into the mirror each morning, it's (usually) this "spot welded me" that is staring back. In my case, I was about 16 years old, wondering "who am I?", trying to figure out how to deal with the strange world of girls and stressing about our upcoming class pictures because I had a huge zit on my nose that I couldn't seem to leave alone. (A brief detour - because of this experience, I have had a long lasting identification and bond with Rudolf, the Red Nosed Reindeer that still remains - I could empathize with the struggles he had to endure because of his nose, and I do own the original version of the 1964 TV show on DVD - one of my treasures). The "sophomore-in-high school me" was somewhat taken aback on April 18th at the thought of turning 50 because while - in reality - we get out of school, obtain jobs, get married, have families and generally become (semi) responsible adults, we may tend forget that on a day-to-day basis.

Sure, it made sense that my father would age (sorry Dad) but I certainly wouldn't face the same fate. Somehow I thought I might just go on forever simply looking for nice shady spot to wash and wax my 1969 red Mustang notch back and wondering what it would be like if I could get through my adolescent insecurities. Well - I seem to have lived through the "adolescent" part but some of the "insecurity" baggage lingers on.

I will also qualify these musing regarding the "survived" part of the thought. Those of us who grew up in North America in the 60's - 80's are stretching the definition of "survived" a bit - at least in the minds of anyone who grew up anywhere else. Our survival certainly wasn't based upon being able to outrun a mudslide or getting through the current dry season until the next harvest came in. We mostly had to survive our own foolish decisions and the cornucopia of ways we could damage ourselves (and those around us) because we had so many options at our disposal. Adolescence was an invention of the 20th century and those of use who grew up as "Baby Boomers" were the group that elevated being between the ages of 12 and 21 to a new level of irresponsible privilege. I blame our parents for that - don't you? Only today's single child families where both parents work might be able to contend for similar laurels.

What have I learned as a result of my 1/2 century of life? Not as much as I would have thought! I'm still learning and this assignment I am currently on has been healthy in that it is stripping away many of the notions I have held regarding who I would be "if things were different". I know more than a few people - sometimes it's been me - who have convinced themselves that they are victims of their circumstances - if only "things were different"! Being separated from my wife & family & friends and most things that are familiar and routine has been destroying that illusion on a daily basis. I've been learning that the real "me" is the one I choose to live out today and being in Australia has forced me to acknowledge that it's time to get on with those "changes" I have been putting off until "things are different".

So - younger people who are not quite 50 (yet) - heed my words when I repeat a bit of wisdom found in the Bible (James 4:14) - "You don't know the first thing about tomorrow. You're nothing but a wisp of fog, catching a brief bit of sun before disappearing." That's not in any way intended to be depressing but rather to make sure we understand we're all on the same page - time will pass more quickly than you think and you can only be sure that you have today to make a difference in this world.

Wow - pretty profound stuff. Let's see if I can put it into practice tomorrow when I wake up!